Tears
by edgeof4teeners
Summary: Scarlett O'hara sheds her only tears for her only son.


**Disclaimer** : I don't own _GWTW_. All rights belong to Margaret Mitchell's estate. Except, of course the storyline. Enjoy!

Tears

 _"Of all the words of mice and men, the saddest are, "It might have been."_

― Kurt Vonnegut

She didn't cry when they brought his body to her house.

She didn't cry when she saw the knife wound in the lower left side of his abdomen.

She didn't even cry when they had to pamper him for his funeral.

Although when he was young she didn't see a brave bone in his body, just a wimpy little boy with no father. At the peak of 18, a man you could say. He grew to be quite tall and handsome. He still had favored Charles in ways only a son could favor his own father. But somehow he was more handsome, outspoken, and braver than his father could have ever been if he'd survived the war. Who didn't die gallant and in war. But instead, sick in a bed with his lungs stuffed up.

Wade she knew was going to be something, he was going to the same college his dad had went to and was going to become a lawyer. But he couldn't do those things now and Scarlett O'hara as a mother was angry. She continued to see the little boy he once was when they had went to Charleston and then to Atlanta to live with Aunt Pittypat and the late Melanie who 'till this day did it still hurt her soul to think about. He was so young and Prissy had taken good care of him, even when she had been a young lost soul pining for Ashley, terribly selfish and didn't care about no one but her self... It came to her mind that she hadn't thought of Wade then.

Ella her gracious daughter who grown to be very passionate and a pretty lady, was by her side with a handkerchief in her hand as she continued to cry in it. Scarlett gave her daughter an annoyed glanced, curious at who could've given her the handkerchief. _Surely it wasn't... No, it couldn't be._ She hadn't see him in forever and right now she wasn't going to think about him. Not having enough nerve to show up at his former step-son's funeral, why think about him now?

Wade always did look up to him, and for some reason she always felt as if he always blamed himself for her and Rhett's split. _Uncle Rhett._ Made her blood boil whenever she thought about him. And she was already choleric at other things, besides her son never getting a chance to go after his goals or to marry a beautiful southern belle. It was all too late now, for she never had the chance to show him as his mother, how she really loved and cared about him.

He was her oldest, her first born and it just wasn't fair! Why did he have to die before her? Weren't parents supposed to die before their children? It surely wasn't supposed to be the other way around. She bit her lip as the priest finished his sermon and then it was time to say goodbye to her son before he was to be buried underneath the ground and sent to Heaven. The little boy who was with her when she had to drive the carriage back to Tara. How young he was then. Surely Bonnie's death hadn't been this aching? But Wade wasn't really _dead_ , now was he?

She felt a small tap on her elbow. It was Ella guiding her to the casket. The funeral was taking place outside where Melanie's funeral had taken place. It was trying to rain but the clouds in the sky were only a bit gray and brooding, thus no umbrellas were yet needed. She could feel the stares of the people, their eyes consumed with pity, remorse, and sympathy. She didn't like the unwanted attention. Even to her astonishment, India Wilkes didn't have her nose up in the air about things. Scarlett looked her way, and the old maid gave her a foreign look of remorse. Oh how her shrewdness was needed! Ashley was beside Beau his gray eyes showing contempt and understanding. Beau looked sad as seeing him and Wade were just like brothers, his eyes were on the edge of spilling. But gentlemen didn't cry. And how he tried not to.

Then there was Suellen beside Will with their children, she was crying and she didn't dare look up at her. Only down at the green grass where her tears spilt. Careen was no where to be seen, but Scarlett had sent her a letter which would not be reached in time, but she didn't want her to be here anyway, if she was needed there at the Covenant, she was needed there. The Fontaines, Tarletons, and about everyone was here at this dear planned funeral, even the old slaves and servants; Mammy, Big Sam, Pork and his family. And she just didn't like it. This wasn't a planned event, if it were, it'd be her in that casket instead of Wade.

She stared at him. His body lying peacefully in the casket. He looked peaceful and boyish, but it wasn't him. No. She wanted the eyes to open and the lips to move so he would be alive and joyful. Laughing with the rest and courageous as always, but it was quite the opposite. She felt the pat on her elblow again. It was Ella. However Scarlett didn't move. She stood there for a moment and she felt as if she needed to do something.

 _Weren't parents supposed to die before their children..._

She didn't cry. Her face was emotionless and clear. She felt her hand raise and she touched her son's cheek softly as if it were a piece of velvet. Then it connected harshly with his soft flesh. "Wake up!" She heard herself say. "Wake up, will you?" Everyone's reactions were of surprise. But if you knew Scarlett this was expected; stubborn and free-willed. Ella touched her mother's elbow again. "Mama..."

She ignored her. She kept slapping her son's cheeks, considering he was just lifeless and his cheeks weren't getting red from the slaps. They were still colorless and as Scarlett kept slapping him, the more memories of him appeared in her mind. _He's just a little boy, he was going to become lawyer. A good one._ Her eyes were beginning to water but she wasn't going to let them fall. "Charles Wade Hamilton, get up. Stop being scared and wake up, boy!"

His body didn't move. It was motionless and lifeless as ever.

Everyone speechless, looked on.

Mammy (old and thriving) tried helping Ella on getting Scarlett back to her seat, but the eldest O'hara still wouldn't budge. She kept shouting and ordering for him to wake up, but was failing. The body hadn't moved an inch.

Couldn't she see he was dead?

Trying not to think too hard on the past, she continued the slaps, and nudging him harshly to wake up. "Charles Wade Hamilton, do as I say or..." She tried scolding him but the body was just as motionless as a calm before a storm.

Scarlett looked at her son's body. Still anguished she raised her hand up and attempting another slap. Someone grabbed it. Perplexed she turned her head around. It was _him_.

 _No, no you shouldn't look at him. Everything before and after that dark creature had left, had been falling apart. And you know it! Everything had been crumbling. Bonnie and Melly's deaths. And things hadn't changed one bit, and things were once again the same. But back then Wade had been alive... young... and hiccoughing. Doing things a boy should do even after the tortuous war had taken a part of his childhood away. His childhood still lived on._

She made sure of it. However had it been enough? Enough for him to be spared from his ill fate? She stared at Rhett Butler. The _him_. That dark creature. His eyes remained dark and sultry, but you see could streaks of silver running through his handsome hair, and slight wrinkles appearing beside those mysterious eyes of his. He was older and a bit broader, but she could sense that creature in there somewhere, awake upon seeing her. Being here. But in his eyes she could spot the same emotions she was feeling; sadness, regret, and a longing.

He hated seeing Wade like this just as much as she did, and she knew it. But all that mattered at the moment was waking her son up. Then just like that, she didn't have the strength to do so anymore. She didn't know if it had to do with Rhett holding onto her arm but she slumped down, the emotions she tried hiding behind a wall were now unveiling as she felt a sob erupt from her throat, and salty wet tears began dripping from her emerald eyes.

Rhett knelt down beside his ex-spouse and tried comforting her the best he could. But was perplexed on Scarlett O'hara Hamilton Kennedy Butler, showing her weakness. She was now fragile and vulnerable; resembling the little southern belle she was before the war—when he'd had first seen her at Twelve Oaks during the barbecue. She was still Scarlett O'hara no other name behind it. Nonetheless it was still alarming to not see her fiery presto, that had been born into this world within her. Even at their daughter's funeral she hadn't even shed a tear, but he was only aware she had built up a wall.

Now trying to make light of the situation, Rhett whispered soothingly in her ear. "My pet we have to get up now." Scarlett didn't want to get up. Her face was buried into her hands, and with that, people were seeing her cry. At at a time like this, had she ever felt so weak. _God's nightgown!_ She scolded in her head. Rhett had seen her at her weakest when he'd left! She then had lost. But now did she realize this was paybacks for the time she had seen him at his weakest, and never tried to build him up. _At least he knows this is genuine!_ She continued to love him even after all the heartache and pain. Even when they had divorced, would her heart flutter at the thought of him.

"Wade," said Scarlett. She realized she would miss him even more than Bonnie. Bonnie wasn't there during the war, she hadn't been a symbol of the innocence she had before the war. She hadn't been her anchor to her sinking ship for all those war-stricken years. It had all been her gentleman son, Wade Hampton Hamilton. And now what could she do?

The patrons watching the scene, felt like they were peeping through a hole in a changing room. Scarlett O'hara Hamilton Kennedy Butler, crying? If anyone told them and they hadn't been there to witness it, they would've laughed and called the person crazy. Surely the Belle of three countries didn't cry. Never.

"I can't get up, Rhett," she said weakly with tears in her beautiful green eyes. Her throat was dry and she felt fatigued. "I should be in that casket, not Wade." Rhett stared at her, shocked at the words that left her mouth. If his beloved was crying, that must've meant things were really falling apart. The Scarlett O'hara he knew all along wasn't vulnerable nor fragile like this. She was daring, fiery, and relentless. Not the complete opposite.

Putting one hand on her elbow and his other hand around her waist, he was set on bringing back that burning strength right within her. Maybe during their years of marriage he would've wanted to see her at her weakest and call her out on it like she had done to him all those years. But no. She'd lost a son, her firstborn, and there was nothing he or she could do about it.

He had been in Charleston staying with his younger sister Rosemary, when the news of Wade's death had reached him. He had been set on visiting Atlanta again to meet up with Belle and her son. The Watling creature didn't manage the brothel nor the saloon anymore, she lived in New Orleans with her son and his family. But returning one last time to the place she knew so well, Belle had wanted him to join her on reminiscing about the past and bringing up old times. He had been contemplating whether or not to go with the possibilities of running into old acquaintances, family, and friends. Being particularly Scarlett O'hara. The woman who still claimed his heart 'til this very day.

The bad news of course was startling. Why, Wade had been nothing but a good son to him. Blood or no blood, Rhett had loved him like his own. However years of lost contact played a part in him not being able to see him that often, mainly the resentment he had felt towards him and Ella over Bonnie's death. If only they had died instead of dear ole Bonnie Blue, but the feeling had soon went away. He had finally came to the conclusion she was dead and now so was Wade. The thought moistened his eyes a bit but not completely, for this time it was his turn to be the strong one.

Scarlett felt his strong arms and she missed them. Missed them more than anything else in the world. If she wasn't in this state, maybe she would've pushed him away. But no, she needed him now. And feeling some of her old strength returning, she stood up. She felt all eyes on her, the judging eyes met with remorse and pity. Back then she might've cursed herself for being so weak but she told herself that sometimes you had to be raw. That you had to be weak in times of need no matter how small you looked. With her hand on his elbow with Rhett leading the way, she wanted to look back at the casket. See her son one last time.

"Wade," she whispered solemnly, as she looked down at the ground. She couldn't look back; she'd only miss him more. But in her mind, she realized that in some way he'd be here tomorrow, that right now it was all just an illusion. Tomorrow, yes there was always tomorrow. If there was one thing that that horrible war had taught her was that there was always tomorrow. Tomorrow he'll be doing what he always does. Take Ella out on a long walk, groom his horse, and count all of the mills' funds... However she also learnt that there wasn't always tomorrow, that it was sometimes too late to undo all that you've done. She had learnt that the hard way and again the guilt came rushing back.

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 **A/N: My first** ** _GWTW_** **fic. I hope you guys enjoyed this one shot. How Wade died I'll leave up to your imagination. Just know that he got stabbed. I have this notion that if Wade would ever die before Scarlett, that she'd feel regretful for not ever loving him like a mother should. In the novel she seems to only think of him as a nuisance, and seems to not really pay any mind to him and Ella. She might've favored Bonnie over Wade when she was alive, but in some way since Wade had been with her through a lot and is her first-born, I think when it'd be too late, she'd feel this motherly unidentified longing for him in her heart that she hadn't realized when he had been alive. Part of it doing with her dealing with the mills. Also the parts where she slaps him, I kind of wanted to visualize to you guys that Scarlett was clearly in denial over her eldest child's death...This is set maybe 5 or 6 years later after _GWTW_ , since Wade was about 12-13 at the end of the book and he's 18 here. Scarlett perhaps hasn't changed that much from her personality, but she's grown up a bit. So... Tell me what you guys think?**


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